Cofresh Hummus Chips - Creamy Dill

In planning my travels for the holidays, I had plotted that I wanted to leave straight from work (I get out at 8pm this Wednesday), and head to Fresno to see my family with as minimal amounts of stops as possible. I knew that I wanted to stop at the nearby 7-Eleven for a beverage for my 3-hour nighttime excursion, but I thought I could easily head to the store and gather some snacks for the road beforehand.

While running a quick errand before work today, I made the mistake of straying from my goal of looking for one thing (which was in no way food-related) and perused the store ending up in the snack aisle. I found a few goodies, one of which were these hummus chips.

I like hummus! So I bought some to try.

Now COFRESH is a company I have never heard of before, but hey... that's not to say they won't be good. A lot of lesser known brands as well as generic versions of things are just as tasty if not better than the original.

Anyone try the Kirkland products from Costco? Then you know what I mean.

Anyway... now here I sit at work on my lunch break (which I usually spend working on my story blogs), trying my hummus chips and writing about them.

Right away the bag is not so big which is all right by me. It's a nice and compact 4.7oz which is easy for snacking as well as sharing. The image ON the bag is pretty much what you get IN the bag. They remind me of some weird love child of a Frito Scoop and a Bugle.

The front of the bag also boasts this treat has 30% less fat than regular potato chips (fat reduced from 10g tp 7g per serving... someone want to tell me what that means/)

The bottom of the bag says these chips are gluten free with no artificial colors or flavors and also have no artificial preservatives.

So this makes me curious about the ingredients.

Flipping the bag over I see the following: Chickpea Flour, Potato Starch, Vegetable Oil (Rapeseed), Corn Flour, Creamy Dill Flavor (Whey Powder, Salt, Dextrose, Onion Powder, Rice Flour, Sugar, Flavor Enhancer (Monosodium Glutamate), Lactose, Cheese Powder, Yeast Extract Powder, Natural Flavorings, Acidity Regulator (Sodium Diacetate), Herbs (Parsley, Dill).

Ahhh, good ol' MSG. Recently hung out with friends, and they were talking about how MSG makes things taste so much better. I have stuff without it, and it tastes just as good so I have no idea what they're talking about.

Then there are other things that I wonder about (like "rapeseed"?), but overall, it looks - for all intents and purposes - normal and digestable.

Also on the back it gives "Allergy Advice" saying that this product is made in a factory that handles milk/dairy products, nuts, sesame seeds and wheat and may contain trace allergens. Contains Milk & Dairy products. When reading that (as well as typing it out), it made me think of those drug commercials that are supposed to make you better, but then they start listing the side effects, and the list seems to go on forever and ever. This allergy list didn't run as long, but it was more than I was used to seeing on a food item.

Pop open the bag. Stick a chip in my mouth. CRUNCH!!!

We have taste success.

This snack (could be because I'm currently PMS'ing) is nicely salted and not overly so. The consistency of the chips makes me think of Munchos since they're so puffy and light. You can also taste the dill which is subtle which is great since some chip-like snacks can have a lot of flavor that - while flavor is good - sometimes can overpower your tastebuds.

Would I ever try this again? Maybe. It's a brand that I haven't come across frequently enough, and it's not so mind-blowing great that I would ever seek it out. As a "new thing", it was a nice experience and apparently a healthy one.

http://www.cofresh.co.uk/creamy-dill-hummus-chips

Cofresh Snack Foods
Cofresh House, Lewisher Road
Leicester, LE4 9LR, United Kingdom
Tel: 44 (0) 116 246 4101
Email: sales@cofresh.co.uk
Website: www.cofresh.co.uk

Angie's Kettle Corn

my bag was the new yellow design

Popcorn.

It's an evil treat. It tastes so good, you gobble it up, and it's gone before you know it.

I grew up on regular popcorn - either popped by my parents or stock sold at the movies. We had a popcorn maker that we occasionally brought out, but then my favorite was always the Jiffy Pop - the little foiled pie tin with a handle that you would cook over the open flame of the stove.

I love watching that thing pop into a giant ball and then when you ripped it open, all the steam would come out. So hot, fresh and tasty.

(There's a joke in there somewhere.)

Then of course there were the variations of popcorn: Fiddle Faddle, Crunch & Munch, and (of course) Cracker Jack. Sweet and salty... and sometimes you got a prize!

In elementary school on game days, I'd occasionally buy a rectangular block of pink popcorn. On some holidays, I'd receive a nice popcorn ball as a treat.

And then the evolution of popcorn delivered unto me one of my best friends and vilest of addictions: kettle corn.

I believe I first experienced kettle corn during my fair days. My mind immediately conjures up a dude in an apron behind a giant black cauldron-looking thing (I could totally be wrong on this). And all he'd do all day at faire was make kettle corn.

I think I shared some with a friend and after they let me snack on some, I was immediately hooked and wanted my own bag.

The fresher, the better.

So since renaissance faires aren't all day, every day, the only time I could buy tasty goodness from the vendor was weekends when faire was going on, and I was able to make it.

Then kettle corn became a thing and everyone was making and selling. At the time, all I came across were microwaveable kettle corn, and let's just say... no.

Keeping an open mind, I tried various kinds /brands of kettle corn, but nothing measured up to the sweet treats of renaissance faires. Nothing tasted as good.

Until now.

Can we say "snazzy logo"?

Recently I attended a Halloween party, and toward the end of the evening when a handful of us were left, I began cleaning up a bit. Like last year, there were lots of snacks that the hosts were trying to send home with people. I think I got cookies, chips and Wheat Thins.

This year? I got a bag of kettle corn.

I was starting to PMS. I thought it'd be something to nosh on during my "gimme salty" food cravings and while watching shows on Hulu.

I didn't notice until later (I think I had finally made it home) that it was kettle corn. It was also a brand I had never tried before (Angie's), so I thought, "Why not? I can try it and write about it."

Now in taking time away from devouring the bag to actually look at the bag, I see that the ingredients include: popcorn, sunflower oil, evaporated cane juice, and sea salt.

The serving size is two cups which gives seven servings per 7oz bag... and seeing as I was given the rest of the open bag (which was maybe 2/3 full)... I ate a lot of servings (each serving being 140 calories).

The bag of the bag states this is "goodness you'll love" since it's...

• all natural
• no artificial anything
• cholesterol free
• who grain
• no high-fructose corn syrup
• vegan
• no trans fat
• kosher
• certified gluten-free
• non-gmo project verified

Now... aside from that last one, that all sounds healthy, right? (But wait, there's more.)

May contain the following: Delight = 25,000mhz, snack satisfaction = 39 ROI, flavor density = 1700 G/CM, happiness = 1.21 gigawatts.

That last one was a Back to the Future reference, dammit, and one of my favorites, so how can you NOT love this snack already?

Furthermore, it's just... AWESOME! It reads healthy, and it doesn't taste like society assumes healthy food tastes like (which is crap). 

When you get a moment, you should read their story which is posted on their website. 

Would I ever try this again?: Does a bear shit in the woods? LOL! But seriously, yes, I would. In fact, I want to know where the person who brought this stuff bought it. Most likely Whole Foods or some such.

(And while writing this post, I finished the last of the kettle corn. And there was much weeping and sadness.)

Angie's Artisan Treats, LLC
1918 Lookout Drive

N. Mankato, MN 56003
1-888-982-4984

http://angiespopcorn.com/

Blue Diamond Almonds: Toasted Coconut

Nuts! A good source of protein.

After work yesterday, I ran a few errands hitting Wal-Mart and then Target.

While at Target (which was just a window shopping "I wonder if they have this thing I'm looking for since Wal-Mart didn't have it" kind of thing), I perused the snack aisle thinking even though I was tired, I'd come home, watch some Hulu and nosh on something while finally seeing the Arrow pilot.

Not bad. I was quite pleased.

Also being behind on my updates, I thought I might find something to write about here. As luck would have it, something caught my eye.

Behold! Toasted coconut almonds!

Now, I love me some nuts just as much as the next girl - (go ahead... make the joke... I set it up that way on purpose...) - but coconut?

I love coconut. While looking at the can, I debated on picking it up and not another flavor that I know I would love (like the wasabi/soy sauce... AWWW YEAH!), but I figured Hey... why not? 

I just couldn't wrap my head around how they could incorporate coconut flavor with almonds. The sweet with the salty has already been established as a success, but this was just something I couldn't imagine correctly.

Maybe it also had to do with the fact that I was really tired leaving my creative, imaginative quotient to almost nil.

So here I go today cracking open the little canister of nuts hoping for the best.

Their flavor is odd. You can definitely taste the coconut though it's not overpowering which is a good thing. It's subtle though obviously there and quite tasty.

Scanning over the nutritional facts, I see a lot of words that I would never use in regular conversation (whether talking to someone else or just myself), so I won't even bother telling you if this is good for you or not. You can judge for yourself. (Just remember - snack in moderation.)

But the thing that I think is funny (or at least made me mentally chuckle a bit), is at the end of the ingredients, it specifically says in CAPS and italics (so you know they mean it)...

PEANUT FREE. MAY CONTAIN OTHER TREE NUTS.

Okay, so when I grab a container of almonds, I don't even think "I hope there are some peanuts in here" and then after reading the fine print getting all kinds of bummed, then flip a table on a baby seal in the middle of the street and yell, "I want my peanutty almonds. I want my money back."

You know what I mean.

And what's this "other tree nuts" crap? When I think of tree nuts, I think of a movie where I saw a whole mess of monkeys in a tree... and you know how sharing they are of their privates.

But really. Is this a problem? Can nut companies not keep their nuts separate? I mean, I've eaten fast food before and found a stray French fry at the bottom of my onion rings, but that's a little different. Unless Blue Diamond is branching out or dealing with other nuts, why would their be other nuts with my almonds?

And right here on the side. It says "From the Almond People". Why would you call yourselves "the Almond People" if you're going to possibly have other nuts in your product?

WAY too many nut jokes.

Would I ever try this again?  While tasty in that weird kind of way, I have to admit that this flavor is not my favorite. If at a party, and they were in a dish of a table of snacks, I might eat a few, but I don't think I'll be getting them again on my own any time soon.

Blue Diamond Growers
Sacramento, CA 95812
USA

http://bluediamond.com/

Hotlix Crick-ettes (Bacon & Cheese)

Needed more bacon and cheese, less cricket

I had no idea what I was going to write about this month. I hadn't really tried anything new, and in all honesty searching for something to write about was the last thing on my mind, but when I had updated all my other story blogs for August, I was left with this one.

While hanging out with Kathy W at her house tonight, we were talking about writing and stories, and I made the comment that I was almost caught up with my updates for the month and had one left (this one). After thinking for a bit, she popped up off the couch, disappeared, and returned tossing a small box at me over the coffee table.

The box? Bacon and cheese crickets.

Now in all honesty, my first reaction was HELL NO! - but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the box, staring at the little critters wrapped in cellophane. I kept turning the box this way and that watching them slide around. Some had wings. Some were missing limbs. All of them looked like crickets.

There was a voice in my head that just said, "Okay, let's do this," but I couldn't bring the rest of me to completely trust that voice and follow along. Still, I stared at the package.

Kathy explained that she had (as did all of her family members) received this as a present in her Christmas stocking last year (which would only make it almost nine months old). Do bug snacks like this have a shelf-life? There was no expiration date on the box or the cellophane. What does that say about the treats inside?

Probably: Try at your own risk.

On the "I'll try anything scale" of life, Kathy has way more experience and way more daring than me, and I kind of hate that. I mean, I love trying new stuff, going new places, but eating bugs? I thought my hesitation odd since several years ago while at an Asian candy shop buying dried salty plums, I saw as one of the impulse items by the register a small plastic container of dried baby crabs, and I just grabbed one, shoving it forward with the rest of my purchase. The bodies of the tiny crabs were the size of a dime and were slightly seasoned.

The crickets were smaller though prepared seemingly in the same way, and claimed to taste like bacon and cheese (two of my favorite things).

At first I just kept looking at the box. Then as Kathy prodded me to try one, I said I would try one on two conditions: if I could have one with no wings or appendages, AND if Geoff T did one with us. I followed her into Geoff's room where she explained the situation and after staring at the box for a few minutes, he said no. Then after much giggling, we left his room and headed back into the living room... where I continued to stare at the box.

The voice in my head grew louder and more convincing, taking more and more control over the rest of me, and I finally conceded. Kathy ripped the limbs and wings off of one and handed it to me. With my boozey beverage at the ready to wash out any possible ick left behind from this experiment, we toasted our respective bugs and ate.

Praytell, what did I think of them?

BACON AND CHEESE, MY ASS!!!

So the cricket was crunchy. You can even hear it on the audioboo I posted, and I wasn't even that close to my iPhone. But aside from the impressive crunch, that was it. The flavoring promised on the package did not deliver in any of the crickets I ate (which after the initial one, I was fine eating them. Kathy and I pretty much split our shares down the middle, me getting a little more in the end.) I tasted maybe a tiny breath of bacon, but not enough to make a difference. Also they were just big puffs of crunchy air.

When I ate the dried baby crabs, the only crunch came from the shell since the insides during the whole process of drying them out turned their insides pretty much to dust (much like the crickets) - but they tasted better. I didn't need handfuls to get a good taste or to be satisfied. They were just tasty, salty goodness.

I have a feeling the other two flavors are just as (un)impressive.

The crickets tasted like flimsy sunflower seed shells and quickly lost any flavor they had (which pretty much was none).

The packaging was entertaining though so I'll tell you about that.

The snack had a Net Wt of 1.4g. Skipping the ingredients entirely, the nutritional facts make me chuckle stating a serving size is 1.4g (a whole box), and that the serving per container was... you guessed it... 1. Nine calories per serving/box. (So Kathy and I had about 3.5 calories each.)

Toward the bottom of the nutritional facts in small print, it says "Not a significant source of cholesterol, dietary fiber, sugars, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, calcium, and iron." (Really, Sherlock?)

My favorite part about the box was the cricket illustration below... which I will just let speak for itself.

Good for a chuckle, eh?

Would I ever try this again?  Meh, I dunno. I mean, maybe sitting around for almost nine months contributed to the lack of flavor. Maybe not. All I know is that it sure didn't leave a lasting first impression on me as well as any desire to seek out either of the other two flavors. (I am curious about their non-insect candy selection though.) Still... I think it's the most interesting thing I've tried and written about on this blog. That should count for something, right? (Yeah. Thought not.)

Hotlix
PO Box 447
Grover Beach, CA 93483
1-800-EAT-WORM (328-9676)
info@hotlix.com


http://www.hotlix.com/insect_candy/crickettes.html
http://www.hotlix.com/index.html
http://www.hotlix.com/non-insect_candy/non-insect_candy.html

Hello Kitty Spumante

"Kitty Juice" made in Italy

When I found out my friend Alithea S was coming to town for a visit (her birthday is August 10th y'all, just so ya know!), I was happy.  Then Kathy W told me that she was going to snag her from SFO, and we'd get her for Dusty's World.  Another happy thought.  I met Kathy at her place and from there we headed to the airport to grab Alithea. 

We parked and waited for her at the gate as people were arriving.  Eventually she walks up with her purse and what could be construed as a souvenir bag.  Hugs are exchanged, and she then explains she had to make a pit stop, and we find out the bag is filled with Hello Kitty wine.

Oh yes.  Hello Kitty wine. 

I've seen Hello Kitty airsoft guns (of which I want one) and Hello Kitty sex toys (of which I want one purely for novelty sake cuz come on... doesn't every Asian chic need a Hello Kitty sex toy? LOL!), but now there's wine -  an awesome thing I can totally get behind and want to partake in.

So we made it back to Kathy's, and I thought she was saving the wine for some other occasion, but she told me to bring it in, and the spumante was chilled.  We snacked, chatted, drank, listened to the show, and helped take care of Geoff T (who had laser eye surgery that day and was not supposed to open his eyes for something like 12 hours... in fact, per his doctor's encouragement, we were plying him with booze and anything else we had in our arsenal to get him to rest/sleep to promote not opening his eyes... I think we succeeded).

This is pic I took of the bottle.

I think it was sometime after the show was over that we poured out the "kitty juice" and doled it out to almost everyone (save maybe Geoff who might have been laying down in his room at this point).

Let me state right off the bat that I am mainly a red wine and dessert wine drinker, but I will go to tastings and try any wine you place before me. 

With that said, this wine was dry and crisp, and according to Kathy the "dry" warning was on the back of the bottle instead of the front where she's used to it being.

Ohhh, and there are DRINK RECIPES per the website I found!!!


Would I ever try this again? It was tasty but not a favorite.  Still if I was out with the girls and all we had was spumante, I'd toast and imbibe with the rest of them.  Also curious about the other wines.  And come on... it's frakkin HELLO KITTY!!!

http://winefromtheboot.com/hello_kitty_wines_spumante.php
http://winefromtheboot.com/hello_kitty_wines.php

Jalapeno Microwave Popcorn

Ahhh, there's a happy fellow, huh?

So when you go to your Girlfriend's house, and she asks you if you want to experiment, what's the worst that could happen?

One Thursday last month I went to my friend Kathy W's house for our weekly dose of Dusty's World, and as we got our beers for the toast at the beginning of the show, my "Girlfriend" (aka Kathy W) asked me if I wanted to experiment.  After the millions of jokes recited themselves in my mind, I told her I was game, and she disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a package.

A popcorn package.

Jalapeno Microwave Popcorn.  Batch #37.

She had received it as a stocking stuffer or something and hadn't tried it yet.  (She loves to share experiments.)

So let me break down my inspection of the package before she unwrapped it and nuked it.

On the cover of the bag was an image of a man who looked like he was screaming his head off.  On the side of the bag by his face it says "Pain is good."  On the other side of his face is a "pain gauge" which marks the popcorn we were about to munch on as medium (between mild and hot).  This delicious treat also has a net weight of 3.25 oz (91 g) and is made in the good ol' U S of A.

And for those virgin popcorn poppers out there, take heed the print that states:

Caution: when opening; hot steam.

From the package...

"Not just another pretty face and not just another jalapeno popcorn.  You're going to scream with delight, bite after bite.  Make sure you have your favorite cold drink in hand just in case the Pain is too good!"

That part I found entertaining since I'm the hot wuss when it comes to my friends, and I loved this stuff.  When Kathy poured it into the bowl, it looked to me like salt and pepper popcorn.  Yes, there were occasionally those kernels that had a little more seasoning than others, but overall, it was rather tasty, and I was sad when the bowl was empty.  So PAIN?  The only pain I experienced was when there was no more.

Okay, technical crap... like ingredients: popcorn, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, salt, artificial and natural flavors, color, jalapeno pepper and spices.  (Sounds almost 100% healthy for ya, right?)

Serving size is 3.5 cups (or 32 g for those that count things like that) making servings per container (um, don't you mean bag?... though I guess a bag is a container since it contained the kernels... anyway, I'm babbling... wait, where was I?... oh yeah) 3.  To serving sizes all over, I laugh in your general direction as I give you the finger.  But seriously... when you make a big bowl of popcorn, you're just sharing the joy?

And by joy, I really mean the 160 calories.  

Would I ever try this again?  Sure.  It's a tasty treat that I wouldn't turn down.  (Also on the website, there's a treat called "Cheesecake in a Jar" that comes in traditional and chocolate flavors that I want to try.  No it's not spicy, but damn... sounds so yummy. 

Manufactured for and Distributed by:
Original Juan Specialty Foods
647 Southwest Blvd
Kansas City, KS 66103
1-866-568-8468
http://www.originaljuan.com/

Nathan's Famous Honey Mustard Crunchy Crinkle Fries

Look at me!  Don't I look tasty?

Sitting in my room watching/listening to my shows and can't sleep.  Also PMS'ing like a bitch, and when I'm in that mode (thank you special time of the month), I get snacky for salty goodness.

Last week I hit the store for some random snack/breakfasty items, and one thing popped out and caught my attention.

Now I will admit that I originally thought they were pretzel bites (like Hanover's), and I thought it said "honey mustard and onion" (which is my favorite flavor of Hanover's), but I hadn't really touched the bag until just now since I was craving something salty.

I whipped out the bag and saw that they were fries (not pretzels), and they were just honey mustard (no onion).

No matter.  The salty goodness is still there.  AND?  They don't taste half bad.

The "crunchy crinkle fries" look like puffed cereal the size of Lego pieces with ridges.  When I popped the first one in my mouth, I could immediately taste the flavor.  It tasted just like the dressing (which is one of my favorites).  I personally don't think it tastes too overpowering, but then again, that's only my opinion.

Now of course this isn't the healthiest of snacks (140 calories per serving - which is an ounce and the bag gives you roughly four servings), but it's good in moderation... unless you're a writer currently PMS'ing in which case you eat the whole frakkin bag.

(Oink!  Oink!  I is a PMS piglet!)

The ingredients are comprised of words I either can pronounce and know what they are or words I've seen before but will never be able to use in Scrabble.

The only warning of any kind is that it "Contains: Dairy".  Other than that, it's your normal junk food kind of snack. 

Would I ever try this again?  Sure.  Granted it didn't leave a lasting impression, but it didn't suck.  Plus there are other flavors that I'm curious to try.  I've only found it in one place, so I think that helps my snack habit.  The puffed snack part is all right, but I'd rather have a chip.


Distributed by:
Inventure Foods, Inc.
Goodyear, Arizona 85338
http://www.inventurefoods.com/

Questions or comments:
ATTN: Inventure Customer Service
643 N. 98th St. #133, Omaha, NE 68114
1-866-890-1004
info@inventurefoods.com

For information about Nathan's Famous
visit www.nathansfamous.com
Made in The USA

Rockstar Relax (Relaxation Drink)

The color scheme makes me think of
Jamaica. How about you?

Today (technically yesterday/Friday by the time this post is being written, but I don't consider it the next day until the sun comes up so...) I was going to a book event out of town with a couple friends, and I knew that I'd most likely be groggy due to the whole "insomnia being a frakkin bitch" thing so I figured I'd get me an energy drink of some kind.

I had some errands to run before I met up at my friends' place to carpool to the event (The Bloggess is awesomesauce!).  I first headed to the AM/PM down the street from my house to get gas and opted to get a bottle of water for the trip, a 7Up for my upset tummy, and some energy thing of some kind that I could drink to help me wake up a little for the event.

As an aside, I've come to the conclusion if energy anything has any kind of effect on me, it's delayed by a few hours.  Still, the only proof that energy drinks have any effect on me is if I either have a 15-16 fl oz can on an empty stomach (oh yeah, that's a fun treat for everyone) OR if I have one too many which left me once with incredibly shaking hands after a three-hour drive to visit family.  My mother's husband was home, but she was still at work, so I retired to "my room" to watch The Lost Room on my media player.  I laid down on the bed and held my media player above my head with both hands to find my hands shaking a la Gene Wilder in the Blazing Saddles.

And let me tell you right now that if you're not familiar with that movie, I don't think we can be friends.

Moving on...

So while at the coolers in the mini-mart, I saw that they started Rockstar Coconut Water so I got one of those, but then I saw this weird colorful can that I hadn't seen before on the shelf below the one I had just grabbed.  It was red, black, yellow and green, and I wondered What the frak is this?

And of course I whipped it out.

It was called Rockstar Relax (relaxation drink).  Intrigued I read on to see it claimed to be caffeine free, non-carbonated, tropical guava flavor, sugar free and a calming herbal blend.

Since the place is always having a sale on drinks like this, I got it and the coconut water both for $4.00-ish since one would be more than half that.  (Yeah, I'm all kinds of thrifty.)  After I was done pumping gas, I went about my day's errands and didn't chug the coconut water until I was on my way to meet my friends.

I saved the "relaxation drink" for the evening when I got home.  (The insomniac in me is willing to try pretty much anything to help me get to sleep at a reasonable time without waking up every hour or so eventually crawling out of bed restless and unhappy.)

At first taste, it reminds me of the juice Rockstars that I've had before (of which I still prefer the grape although both flavors are good) in its consistency.  The taste is much like a tea (at least to me).  I'm used to drinking sweeter teas like ones dispensed from soda fountains at gas station snack bars or fast food restaurants.  This tea taste is a little sweet though not much.  Kind of like an Arizona tea.

Looking over the can again, I see that I'm back to drinking for two (since the can says half is one serving).   

Thanks Rockstar for making me waste one bazillasecond of my life thinking of how fat I am for consuming two serving portions.  The humanitarian award goes to...?

Ingredients...

• triple filtered purified water (that's some serious water)
• citric acid
• phosporic acid, 
• sodium hexametaphosphate (that last word makes me think I sound smart when I say it out loud... also the hexa part makes me think of hexapumas from David Weber's Honor Harrington books)
• natural flavors (from where?  from what?)
• rooibos tea extract (this would explain the tea flavor I tasted)
• benzoic acid
• sorbid acid (what the frak is up with all the acid in this drink?)
• passionflower extract
• rose hips extract (more tea stuff)
• acesulfame potassium (first word... something else to make you sound smart when said aloud)
• sucralose (sugary stuff)
• L-Theanine (no idea)
• chamomile flower extract (tea stuff)

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN.  This product may cause drowsiness.  Do not operate a vehicle or heavy machinery following consumption of this product.

Now I'm assuming the statement above is two in one and not meant to be read together since (if they did go together), I'd imagine sleepy kids trying to operate their big wheel or game consoles while falling asleep or passing out from tossing back a couple cans of this "relaxation drink".

You smell that?  That was SARCASM... by Calvin Klein.

The ULTIMATE? I don't think

CHILL OUT AND RELAX IN STYLE.  Ultra premium ingredients deliver an incredible level of relaxation.  Enhanced  with chamomile & passionflower, ROCKSTAR RELAX is designed for those who need to unwind and take a breather from their active and exhausting lifestyles.  Enjoy this incredibly refreshing, tropical guava flavored relaxation drink chilled.

Who writes this stuff?  It sounds like a glorified resume.

The only way I see this relaxing me if it was loaded with either booze or pot, and since this has neither... I just drank a can of stuff that tastes like tea and now I have to pee.   (Well done, Rockstar.  Well done, indeed.)


Would I ever try this again?  Sure.  Why not?  Granted it won't be something that I'd actively seek out again, but it really didn't do anything for me.  I do, however, commend Rockstar and making a drink that does (or claims to) the polar opposite of what their other drinks do.  It seems fairly common sense to me for a company that supplies you with uppers also provide downers as well.  *cheeky grin*

http://www.rockstar69.com/product.php?pdt=22

http://www.rockstar69.com/

ROCKSTAR, INC.

Las Vegas, NV 89109 USA

Chewy Extinguisher Sour Citrus Candy

They all look like they're in various stages of anal distress

I'm always on the lookout for sour candies that'll make me happy.  Ever since the candy shop in the mall that I would go to and get my sour gummy goodness before catching a flick at the theatre closed, I have been a regular visitor to Sadsville.

Now, that's not to say I can't get my sour gummies elsewhere... but this place had such a wide variety of flavors, it was awesome.

And no... Sour Patch Kids DO NOT do it for me.  (They just don't taste right.)

So unable to depend solely on my sour gummies anymore, I have been on the lookout for other sour yummy candies.

What I'm looking for is not something that'll make my mouth pucker more than a cat's anus.  I'm merely looking for something that is sour in an "oh yeah... that's sour" kind of way while still being able to look at people without appearing as if a parade of Smurfs has just exited my keester.

You're welcome for the visual.

While at the new candy store near my house, the dude working there saw me walking around and asked if he could help me with anything.  So... I asked him what he had in the way of sour candies.

One of which he drew me to were the "extinguisher" candies.

I have seen these candies before, but something about them kept turning me away.  They didn't seem like they'd make me happy, but after years of saying no... upon the employees suggestion, I decided to give them a go.

Never again.

This tiny little box has a tray of colored candies inside that correspond with the lovely cover.  If the cover is to be believed, orange (tangerine) is the mildest at 'tangy' followed by yellow (lemon) as 'sour' with green (lime) being 'super sour'.  Now the premise of this candy is that you can eat whichever sour bad boy you choose, but if you need a breather, you can get 'sweet relief' by popping one of the (berry) blue ones.

I don't know if it was the sour powder or what, but they all had this aftertaste (maybe the blue ones not so much) just like how most energy drinks have a caffeine aftertaste.

Only this was worse.

I could taste what they were trying to pass off as 'sour', but it was more like off-candy flavor... and that lasted shorter than a finger snap.  While doing whatever would be classified as the opposite of enjoying this candy, I read the box which made me laugh.

Aside from the faces of the candy on the front of the box that, I suppose, is supposed to convey how sour they're flavor is, it asks the question, "How sour can you take it?"  My answer to that would be, "More than you can give apparently."

Then on the back there's a diagram starting with tangy tangerine with an arrow pointing to sour lemon with another arrow pointing to super sour lime then a final arrow to the final candy with the caption above it saying "Can you munch through all 3 sour levels without reaching for the Sweet Mixed Berry EXTINGUISHER?"

Yes, you crappy candy.  I can.

I'm not going to bother with serving sizes because it's a ridiculously tiny box, and I think y'all can safely assume this stuff isn't made with the healthiest of ingredients... but I will say (if for some reason you want to try this) the allergy warning are "contains wheat and soy".

Would I ever try this again?  No.  This was yet another candy claiming to be sour but just left me disappointed and grumbly.

American Licorice Company
Consumer Affairs Group
2796 NW Clearwater Drive
Bend, OR 97701
USA

www.extinguishercandy.com*
*the website is listed on the box though it doesn't seem to exist on the interwebs as of this post

Lychee Pocky

let's have some fun
this snack is sick
I wanna take a bite
of your Pocky stick

Okay, so make all the Asian jokes you want, but I love me some Pocky.  And I also love me some lychee.

And for those that have told me that they don't like lychee since it feels like they're eating eyeballs... you're weird.  Eyeballs are delicious!

Seriously though, here we go...

The candy store where I bought the bacon soda (which was a bad idea... DO NOT DRINK THAT!... unless you find a way to make a delicious alcoholic beverage, then please... let me know) was selling various types of Pocky.

What is Pocky?

Well, essentially it's a tiny breadstick covered in stuff rather it be chocolate or a yogurty fruit topping or nuts.

It's sweet and a little salty and makes me with they were the size of breadsticks from Olive Garden since they're just so damn yummy.

I bought them just before going out of town and visiting my family, and my brother and his wife are selective in what they let their daughter (my love four-year-old niece) eat.

The rule is basically: if you can't pronounce it or know what the frak it is, don't eat it.

So here are the ingredients:  wheat flour, sugar, palm oil, milk powder, lychee flakes, margarine, skim milk powder, cocoa powder, lychee flavoring.

And then there's the allergy advice of: contains wheat and milk.

So I asked my brother if I could share some with my niece (being respective of a kid's parents and all), and he said sure, but he wasn't sure she'd like it.  So while playing with puzzles, I offered her one, and she loved them.  She was so cute... asking me for mas Pocky.  (I loves her to pieces!)

The box was a whole whopping 37g and guess what?  That is also the serving size.  Woo hoo!!!  I can actually see an entire box of yogurt-covered pretzel sticks being a serving as opposed to a small bag of M&M's having 3 pieces be a serving.

In any case, Pocky is yumscious, and I've never been disappointed by any of their flavors.  I mean, it's a simple premise... like the chocolate-dipped soft serve cone. 

Now if they start going the way of Harry Potter Bernie Bott's Beans... *shrug*


Would I ever try this again?  Yup!  I liked it a lot.  It's a nice snack while watching a movie or reading or while writing.  (But aside from saying how tasty it is, I have to say when I looked them up online, their website made me giggle.  So check it out.  The music and outfits.  *grin*)

Imported by:
CTC FOOD INTERNATIONAL INC.
131 West Harris Ave. So.
San Francisco, CA 94080
USA

http://pocky.jp/

Nem Heo (from Lee's Sandwiches)

Yum yum food place!

Tonight I was at a a loss for dinner ideas so like I occasionally do, I texted several friends for suggestions.

One friend suggested Taco Bell which I'd only been to once since they added their breakfast menu.  Another friend suggested KFC.  Then as my tastebuds leaned toward a taco salad of some sort, a friend suggested a Vietnamese sandwich.  When I texted her back with a "Where am I supposed to get one of those?", she reminded me of a food place called Lee's Sandwiches.  I hadn't been there in a while so I started to think... Yeah... a sandwich would be good.

Thanks to my handy-dandy iPhone, I found the closest location and headed on over.  I got the BBQ sandwich on baguette (a #6, I think) which was yummy tasty as well as a pork meatball skewer from the hot case.  While waiting for my order (which included an iced coffee), I went over to the cold case to check some stuff out and found some pre-packaged items next to the cans and bottles of drinks.

The item up for discussion?: Nem Heo

Little pork rolls of joy!!!

They had ones that looked like the picture to the left or like little squares.  I chose the rolls since they were more aesthetically pleasing to me.

According to the tag/label, it said the ingredients were: pork skin, nam seasoning (sugar salt), garlic, pepper.

There were no "cooking instructions" so I've been eating them as is.

OMFG!!!  They are good!!!  But let me warn you right off the bat, they're a little spicy.  I'm assuming the big white bits in the picture I took are the garlic (yay garlic!) and of course the meat stuff is the pork (yay pork!), but when they say pepper, they mean peppercorns which make the rolls just a tad bit spicy... at least for me.  I prefer my peppercorns ground.

I popped the first roll in my mouth and was happy but then tasted the spice and lived (thanks for caring... now you can go along with your day).  The next roll, I took a bite and looked inside and saw some little seeds which leads me to think they're jalapeno seeds...or bell pepper seeds.  In either case, they might have just accidentally gotten into the batch of eight I bought so no harm, no foul.

Though whole peppercorns???  Whole?  Really?

But damn, the rolls are good.

When looking up "nem heo" on the internet, I came up with "nem" meaning "eggroll" and "heo" meaning "pork"?  At least that's the best I came up with.  One post online I found with something that looked similar to what I ate referred to it as "pickled pork" which I can taste so that sounds like an adequate description.

In all the stuff I found online, there wasn't a listing for just "nem heo" though there were listings for things with those two words in the name for the food which resembled what I ate so I'm assuming it's more of a general term like adobo in Filipino food that I've had.  (A friend of mine had sworn that if he was on Death Row, he wanted his final meal to be my mom's adobo, and I had to ask him - since I'm nice - which adobo he meant since there's chicken, beef, pork, squid...)

my friend: (making a face hearing my other adobo options) What's the kind your mom makes?
me: Chicken.
my friend: (hurriedly) Yeah.  Chicken.  That's the one I want.  Chicken.

It pays to be specific.  *grin*

And to comment on the rest of my meal, the BBQ pork sandwich was great and hit the spot as did the pork meatballs and the iced coffee was yummers!!!

Would I try it again? Yuppers!  They were quite tasty.  Now I'm wondering what else they have.  Also wondering where else I can find nem heo aside from Lee's.  

http://leesandwiches.com/2008/

Lester's Fixins Bacon Soda

Do you really think I'm a
good idea?

So far I haven't met a bacon... anything... that I didn't like in some way or another.

Bacon wrapped water chestnuts. 

Bacon shrimp.

Bacon salt.  (Amazingly good on pancakes.)

Bacon chocolate. 

Bacon shake.  (Oh yeah.  I'm sure it existed before me, but I made Denny's during their Baconalia phase take the bacon maple sundae they were offering, add more bacon and blend it.  Damn that was some good clogged artery fun, let me tell you!)

The bacon toothpicks were not so great but aside from not tasting anything like bacon, they at least served a purpose with... ya know... being toothpicks.

And this is what happened to the bacon soda.

Rocket Fizz Soda Pop & Candy Shop opened up recently near where I live.  They sell various candies and sugary treats.  When looking at their website, one of the first things I noticed were the sodas.  Being a fan of Jones Soda, I smiled at flavors such as Blue Cream and Watermelon, but when I saw the word "bacon", my grin got wider, and I decided that this place was some place I needed to check out.

So I bought four sodas that night (Valentine's Day Eve), and brought them home - immediately popping open the bacon one.  Now the dude at the shop said it tasted like cooked crisp bacon as well as smelled like bacon.

I need to have a chat with that dude's taste buds.

Lester! Why couldn't you make it
taste better? Damn you!

My original intention for this post was to write as I enjoyed the beverage and write about it.  I got busy looking up stuff about the soda, trying to find pics, etc, so I tasted without posting.

I first smelled the cap which smelled like... well... a metal bottle cap.  Then placing my nose over the open bottle, I inhaled deeply and smelled... something that did not smell like bacon to me.  I can't really describe what it smelled like, but I'm pretty sure it could be used to thin paint or make hydrochloric acid scream bloody murder.

Okay, perhaps that was an exaggeration, but no... it did NOT smell of bacon.  (Strike one to the dude at the shop.)

I then tipped the bottle to my lips (I may have even said a silent prayer of some kind), took a gulp and swallowed.

And then I made a bad face.

Now it's not like I shook a baby that just ate and tilted its mouth toward mine and waited.

No... it was still bad in any case.

Amazing how carbonated water, sugar, citric acid, sodium benzoate (preservative), caramel color, natural color and red 40 can make your mouth ask you the question "Don't you love me anymore?" followed by "What did I do?"

There's not much in the way of nutritional facts since the label looks more comedic than informative.  In tiny print on the side, it says the serving size is 12 oz (which means one good thing - that I was drinking for one again).  The bottle of bacon icky soda is 170 calories and (this makes me giggle a little) "not a significant source of calories from fat, saturated fat, cholesterol, dietary fiber, Vitamin A and C, Calcium and Iron".

Really?  Who in their right mind is going to a GNC and asking for this stuff? 

Joe Moron: Excuse me.  I'm feeling a little plugged up.  Do you have any Bacon Soda?  I hear it's a good source of dietary fiber!

Now here's the thing.  I voluntarily bought this drink, and knowing they all can't be winners, I will finish the damn thing.  In all honesty, I drank about half or a little more than that the night I bought it, and I left it on my dresser while I went out running errands and such and have just picked it up again, and I could joke that it got flat and that it tastes better that way, but no. 

It tastes the SAME!!!

I've got about three fingers left in the bottle so if you'll excuse me?

(bottle empty)

"Made in the USA Pure Cane Sugar"... my ASS!!!

Yeccch!

Would I ever try this again?  No.  The flavor alone isn't enough to make me come back screaming for more.  Perhaps if alcohol were added to make it into an interesting cocktail of some kind, perhaps... but no.  Didn't like it enough to drink it solo.

Intellectual property of and bottled by the:
Rocket Fizz Soda Pop and Candy Shops, LLC
PO Box 3663
Camarillo, CA 93011


http://rocketfizz.com/

Restaurant: The Melt

This place has been on my mind for a while, and even though I've only been there once, I totally fell in love with the place and wish it were closer to my house.

A few weeks ago, I took a friend to the airport.  The night before we were hanging out looking for dinner suggestions.  (A group of us were planning a night to play catch-up since we hadn't really seen each other since the holidays).  One of the places we came across was a new establishment whose name alone caught my attention and piqued my curiosity.  When we clicked the link, I got all kinds of happy.

A few years ago, I saw some place featured on the Food Network that served up grilled cheese sandwiches and soup, and I immediately thought that was such an awesome idea and wanted a place like that near me because I am a HUGE fan of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

Comfort food FTW!!!

Now I couldn't remember the place I saw on TV to save my life, but I knew it was somewhere in the Midwest or East Coast which made me really sad since it was such a fabulous idea but nowhere near me.

Enter THE MELT!

On the way home from dropping my friend off at the airport, I decided to check the place out.  Plus, I hadn't eaten yet that day (a ROCKSTAR energy drink is not a meal) so I figured I'd be killing two birds with one stone: sating a curiosity as well as my stomach.

The location I went to was at the Stanford Shopping Mall, but it wasn't too difficult to spot seeing the bright orange logo shone like a beacon all the way across the lot.  Parking was difficult since everyone and their uncle seemed to be at the mall that day.  I couldn't find anywhere close to park, but that's okay.  I didn't mind the walk.

Immediately when I walked in, I sensed a friendly atmosphere.  Everywhere I looked I saw friendly faces, heard polite chit-chat and laughter.  It was very happy-making.

While I waited in line, I checked out the menu which is pretty simple.  They have several sandwiches as well as several soups.  They even had a few dessert options.

I had originally wanted the Brie/Apple Butter on White Wheat and was leaning toward either the Two Tomato Basil or the Sweet Corn Tortilla Soup.
Creamy Wild Mushroom), but when it was my turn, I ended up getting the special that was being offered that day: The Dirty with Sweet Corn Tortilla Soup.

What is The Dirty you ask?  Sharp cheddar, jalapenos, tomato, bacon and BBQ chips on sourdough.

I also ended up getting one of the dessert melts - the S'more!

They had fountain drinks (Coke products, in case you were wondering) as well as water, iced tea, lemonade, organic milk, and an assortment of drinks in cans (which I think if I remember correctly while waiting in line was Pabst Blue Ribbon).

When you order, two things happen:

1. They take your initials for your order to call out when it's done.  Or you can just look at the giant electronic board (which looks like a huge iPad) to see the status of your order.  And...
2. They ask if you would like to "round up".  The Round it Up Campaign, if I remember correctly, is when you pay for your order, they ask if you would like to round up to the nearest dollar which pays for your meal, and the extra money goes to Feel Good.  (You should really click the link since I think they can explain it better than I can.)

The price is decent and the food is yummy.  The meal comes with a little bag of plain potato chips, each sandwich in its own little basket.

As I sat at the table and noshed on my yummy yum yum food, I noticed the bottom of the order screens talking about their food, how they offer gluten free breads and everything was natural.

There were also NO trash cans.  Everything was either recyclable or compost.

The food is yum. 

The people were nice.

They say "All Natural", "Eco-Friendly", "Wholesome"... and I believe it. 

Would I go here again?: Hell-to-the-YEAH!  This place just filled me with a whole bunch of happiness, why wouldn't I go back.  Next time though... I plan to drag some friends with me.

https://themelt.com/
https://themelt.com/menu
http://www.facebook.com/TheMelt
http://twitter.com/The_Melt

http://www.facebook.com/pages/FeelGood-Official/
https://twitter.com/#!/feelgoodworld/
http://www.youtube.com/feelgoodworld

Mr. Brown Cappuccino Iced Coffee

I gave blood today.

Before I gave blood, I stopped off at McDonald's for lunch.  (You know... to build up my iron and also to not pass out and all that.)

When I was done, I went to the Blood Center, did the whole survey/test thing.  I sat in the automated mechanical chair (which I joked to the tech that it was like a poor man's Disneyland), and proceeded to be poked until my blood slid through the tube like a person in silk pajamas trying to get traction on a bed with silk sheets.

I stopped off to visit a friend since I was in the area.  (Thought I'd say "hi".)  I had meant to chill at a coffee house to try and do some writing, but alas, I lingered too long, and it was getting dark.  I had laundry at home that needed to be done, and I didn't want to be up too late doing it... though the time-stamp on this post would say otherwise (I'm on the last load as I write this).

Anyway, the tech reminded me of all the things I was supposed to do and not do...

Like not to smoke for at least an hour - which I find funny since I enjoy the occasional cigar once in a blue moon, but when they say that, I immediately want to have one... just out of spite.  Or not to drink alcohol for 24 hours... which just makes me pout, but I cope.  LOL!

They also say no strenuous activity (which always makes me wonder if SEX qualifies in that category)... but to drink fluids and not to skip any meals.

While chatting with friends, I was wondering why I was getting so droopy and slothy, and as I was gathering my things and heading out the door, I realized... I needed to eat!

I stopped off at an Asian market (same place I got the Rockstar Coconut Water) and decided to grab some snacks.  The entire time I was there, I kept yawning so since I had coffee on the brain due to my failed writing plan for the day (no one to blame but myself on that one), I went in search for some kind of coffee substitute to wet my whistle.

What is up with his fingers?

I found some coffee drinks in the cooler section while looking for some bottled apple tea I had before from there (quite tasty).  One of which were these little cans of with an image of a man in a white suit, red tie, hat, enjoying a cup of coffee.  He looks like he's sound like Nintendo's Mario and be pushing a gondola through the canals of Venice all the while chucking his tiny cans of caffeine to various passersby as he sings "That's Amore".

Or something like that.

Have you tried my coffee?

I also think he looks like film producer Joel Silver, but that's just me.

So knowing that I needed to do laundry, I picked up a can of this stuff hoping it would give me just enough of a boost to stay awake until my laundry was done.  As it was I had separated it into three loads, and the washer and dryer in this place are moody bitches that don't seem to like me much.

But that's neither here nor there.

Of the ones the store had, I chose cappuccino and with that, took my other purchases to the register, checked out, and headed home.

I was fine for the most part rejuvenating myself on pork, chicken, vegetables and noodles that I got from the hot case at the store, but then my energy started to wilt some when the first load was in the dryer and the second one had just started washing.

Come here little can... please work some magic.

Now this little baby "ready to drink" can of coffee is just 8.12 fl oz (which according to the nutritional facts on the side is one serving) and is 112.8 calories.

FINALLY!  I'M DRINKING FOR ONE!!!

Ingredients (copied straight from the side of the can):  water, coffee extract, sugar, milk powder, emulsifier (E473, E475, E322), flavor, carrageenan (E407), chocolate.

Now, I get everything in that list (though I'm not touching the weird E-numbers which make me think of high school and college classroom and catalog numbers), but really... what the FRAK is "flavor"?  Is there a bottle labeled "flavor" in the secret coffee lab of this company?

And what's with this statement (which is right above the ingredients): You may occasionally find tiny milk flakes appearing , quality is no problem.  WTFrak is that supposed to mean?  Now I know there's milk powder in it, and there's no instruction like "shake before opening" or some such, but it's more the last part that bothers me.  They could have phrased it better.  MUCH better.  

Anyway...

It tastes all right.  Even though the website thinks claims it's very good! - in my opinion, it's not like "HOLY CRAP!  I NEED TO SHOOT THIS STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS!"  It's just... okay. 

Would I ever try this again?  Doubtful.  It served its purpose as a "hmmm, I wonder what this is like?" as well as coming the closest to a coffee drink that I could find in the market without having to drag my lazy ass to some coffee establishment nearby.  (Hey!  Lay off!  I gave blood today.  So there!)

All in all, if I was craving a pick me up or something coffee-flavored, I'd either buy some candy or find me the closest Starbucks, Peets or... hell... a McCafe.

http://www.kingcar.com.tw/en/products/ProductList.aspx?cid=10&scid=36

http://www.kingcar.com.tw/en/index.aspx

Product of Taiwan
King Car Food Ind. Co., Ltd.
Taipei, Taiwan
Reg. No. 5448220102

Rockstar Coconut Water

A surprising curious can I see before me.

So a couple weeks ago while I was on my way to my friends' new place to listen to our SoCal friends Dusty, RJ and Sasha's internet radio show Dusty's World, I had stopped off at an Asian market en route for supplies (aka apple juice).

The apple juice was for the rest of the Jager we didn't finish the week before (where we finished off the rest of her sparkling apple cider which we think went flat, but it went well with the Jager so we said "apple juice for next time".)

Shot of Jager, topped off with apple juice.  Pretty frakkin yummy people.  That's all I have to say about that.  (My gal pal Kathy W. fixed up so yumscious credit goes to her.)

While at the market, I decided to peruse the aisles a bit since I hadn't been there in a while, and I like me some Asian markets.

What?!  The Asian likes Asian markets?!  Get outta town!

So of course I checked out the candy aisle where I've bought many a packet of Hi-Chew candy (if you can find lychee flavor, send it my way, thank ya muchly) as well as dried salted plums (great PMS snack) and sesame ball cookies (no need to make that dirty, I can do that myself).

But I couldn't find the apple juice.

Eventually I found the apple juice in the cooler section.  The open coolers that stored things like chicken wings or (from what I saw when I found the juice) whole rabbit.  On platforms above the open coolers were various bottles of tea and juice, but I only saw two or three brands of apple juice, regular sized bottles.  So I asked an employee that was restocking shelves if those were the only sizes he had, and he said yes so I snatched one up and continued to look about.

On the other side from where I found the juice, I found various bottles of coconut water and milk drinks which brought to mind that actress Yvonne Strahovski is the new spokeswoman for SoBe Lifewater with Coconut Water so I thought I'd try to find some and try it out for myself.

Really.  I'm interested only in the drink.  I swear. *grin of innocence*

Unfortunately I was not able to find any SoBe Lifewater with Coconut Water.

But I did find this bright blue can that had a familiar logo on it and made my curiosity say "Go there!  I want to see what the pretty blue is."

Rockstar Coconut Water.

Color me intrigued.

I just grabbed the can and walked off looking for other interesting things that caught my fancy before heading to the register.

It wasn't until the next day when I was on my way to meet Kathy W. back at her place to take her to the airport (she was visiting out-of-state family for the weekend) that I cracked this baby blue bad boy open.

Now the can said to "shake gently" so I tipped it from side to side before opening it.  The can said it was a non-carbonated coconut water energy drink made with 10% coconut juice so in theory I could have shaken the hell out of it, but I played it safe and stuck with the can's suggestion of "gently".

Below the ROCKSTAR COCONUT WATER, it said "Energy + Hydration" as well as "+Electrolytes" and "+High Caffeine".  The top of the can said "caffeine, B-vitamins, taurine, ginseng and milk thistle".  Now I don't remember milk thistle from any of the other Rockstar drinks I've had (maybe the coffee ones), but that's neither here nor there.

Again the serving portions make me laugh since the serving size is 8 fl oz, and the can is 16 fl oz.  (Woo hoo!  I'm drinking for two!)  And each serving size is 80 calories... so that's 160 calories for chunky ol' me.

For some reason that makes me feel a little fat since it's just a can.  I mean, if it was a steak, that'd be more filling, and I would feel fine with the calorie intake.

Anyway, moving on...

And now onto the ingredients (with my commentary):  

purified water (thank gawd it's purified - Praise Jeebus!), sucrose, coconut juice (10% all natural), taurine, natural flavors (what the frak does that even mean?), phosphoric acid, sodium citrate, caffeine, pectin (which makes me think it comes from "pecs"), sorbic acid, citric acid, calcium pantothenate (the last word makes me think it'd be found in Pantene), niacinamide, panax ginseng extract (I have no idea what "panax" is - it sounds like a convention.), milk thistle extract ("extract" reminds me of a joke I heard on a cooking show where they had to use almond extract and one of the guys said, "How do you extract an almond?" and the other guy answered, "Depends on where it's lodged."  Shut up!  I thought it was funny), pyridoxine hydrochloride, stevia (I like stevia), caramel color (this I find interesting since the drink is white and when I think of "caramel", I think of the color brown, but hey... I'm not a Rockstar mixologist genius), and cyanocobalamin.

Even though I mentioned this part in my other Rockstar review on this blog, I am presently dictating notes that I recorded on my iPhone while driving to Kathy's that day, and I felt the need to share my silly with you.  (Also, the statement is just a standard form letter.  You'll see if you look between the other review and this one.)

Mission Statement (with my commentary):

ROCKSTAR COCONUT WATER is designed for those who need a strong energy boost when it counts - plus maximum recovery and hydration, B-vitamins, caffeine, electrolytes (It's what plants crave!), and ROCKSTAR's potent herbal blend (crack, crack and more crack) are formulated to deliver that extra kick (up your ass).  With its refreshing coconut flavor, made with real coconut juice (remember, only 10%), ROCKSTAR COCONUT WATER is smooth, powerful and easy to drink.

And then in the teeny tiny print below that (which always makes me laugh):

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.  This product not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any diseases.

What comes to mind when I read the above:

Doctor Dumbass: I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but you have the ebola virus just like in the movie "Outbreak".
Mr. Smith: Oh no. Is there anything you can do?
Doctor Dumbass: Well, there's a new experimental procedure that has yet to be evaluated by the FDA, but it might work.
Mr. Smith: (desperate) I'll try anything.
Doctor Dumbass: (goes to mini-fridge, comes back and hands Mr. Smith a Rockstar)  Here.  Drink this.

Oh, and a little extra blurb.

Not recommended for children, pregnant or nursing women, or those sensitive to caffeine.

This just makes me think of some lady pouring a bottle of this into a baby bottle and giving it to her newborn.  "There you go, sweetie.  Drink your Rockstar like a good little baby."  (LOL!)

Okay, on to actually tasting this thing. 

After my first sip, I have to say, it wasn't bad.  It thankfully did not taste like ass.   

Sidenote:  That phrase always makes me wonder... what is your frame of reference in that comparison?  "This tastes like shit!"  (How would you know?  Have you eaten shit?) 

Random comment:  "Shit" makes me think of Divine from Pink Flamingos and "ass" makes me think of porn... not that I've seen any porn.  (LOL!...)

Warning!:  I had not eaten anything for the day when I started drinking this drink.  (I had a granola bar in my bag, but since I was driving on the freeway, I decided to save the granola bar retrieval for when I got to Kathy's.) 

Warning!  Tangent approaching...:  The last time I drank an energy drink without eating... yeah, that was pleasant, let me tell you. (sarcasm)  It was all kinds of weirdness going on.  I was like sleep-drunk and regular-drunk and hyper... but not too hyper. 

Warning!  Tangent commencing in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...:  I've always had an issue with energy drinks that don't really do anything for me.  They don't really give me that "extra kick" they claim to.  In general, things that are supposed to keep me awake and make me tired... don't, and I don't know why.  When I was a kid, I think it was because I was little and still getting used to meds and whatnot, so when I was sick, and my mother would give me meds that said "may cause drowsiness, do not operate heavy machinery, blah blah blah", and I'd pass out.  Now I don't recall if I was actually sleepy before I took the meds, and I just naturally fell asleep, but I just assumed it was the meds.

SO much better tasting than Triaminic!

My mother got mad at me once because when I was sick she gave me the yummy grape-flavored Dimetapp (I say yummy since it tasted WAY better than the Triaminic stuff she gave me and my brother.  Yuk!)  Anyway, she gave it to me one night, but I didn't get tired.  I couldn't sleep.  And since I was little, I couldn't get up and watch TV or even turn my light on to read (like I can now when I can't sleep) because my mom would tell me to go to bed.  So I'd just sit in bed in total darkness listening to the night noises or think up stories (I was a writer even then) or sometimes I turned my radio on really low.  When I told her about it later on, she said the reason I didn't get tired and fall asleep was because I didn't lay down.  Since I was sitting, the medicine couldn't go through my body.

I love my mom.  She's so cute.

Tangent over.  Back to energy drinks.

Now I usually have to have a serious dose of whatever I'm taking to have any effect on me - some amount more than the recommedned dosage.  As far as energy drinks for me go, the perfect combo that does not make me vibrate is a 15/16 fl oz can of whatever (in this case we'll say Rockstar) and a small "5 Hour Energy Shot" size bottle of go-juice in addition to that.

That's perfect.

After my second sip, I can still say that it's not bad.  Not gross.  The taste is pleasant and somewhat happy-making.  

Not like a Monster I once before.  They didn't have any AMP, and the gas station I was at had a very limited supply of drinks.  I think it was the blue one.  It was gross.  

If anything ever tasted of ass... *ick*

This Rockstar actually tastes like coconut water.  It's not like when products say "This tastes like (insert flavor here)", and you taste it, and it tastes NOTHING like that.

And it looks like actual coconut water inside the can (which still makes me wonder about the caramel coloring.  I know certain colors blend together and all, but...)  *shrug*

Would I ever try this again?  Yes indeedily-deed.  It tasted good, and sort of perked me up some (but then again it could just have been the company I was keeping on my drive, and I don't mean just me).  It seems that coconut water is becoming the next health food mainstream craze.  I had tried regular coconut water before, and it was all right.  It seems like the popular food industry has exhausted all the anti-oxidant berries and have started adding coconut water to things.  Makes me wonder what will be next.

http://www.rockstarenergyshop.com/rockstar-coconut-water-905.html

http://www.rockstar69.com/

ROCKSTAR, INC.

Las Vegas, NV 89109 USA