Rockstar: Recovery (Orange)

So this morning on the way to work I had to fuel up Libby (my lovely little Liberty), and while there, I figured I'd go inside and check out what they had to nosh and sup on.

I got a couple Special K cereal bars (peanut butter = aka "crack for women"). 

Peanut butter is either a good late night snack or an appetite suppressant food.  I can't remember which.  All's I know is it's hecka good y'all!

Anyway, staring blindly at the cold cases, I saw the one with all the energy drinks in it, and even though I felt awake for the day, I thought "Why not?" 

Now granted, I have found that these beverages don't really help me stay awake or revive me in regular doses (meaning just one can), but I get them anyway in hopes that... oh I dunno... some miracle will happen and my chemical/drug tolerancy will shift causing a cup of coffee to do it's stereotypical job and wake my Flip-booty up when I need it to.  Instead, if anything, I get a reaction MUCH LATER in the day.

Why drink them if they don't do what I need them to?  The answer: (for some of them anyway) I kinda like how they taste.

So lately when I stop off in the mini-marts of gas stations (especially the AM/PM's of the world), they always seem to be having a 2 for "something a helluva lot cheaper than if you bought them separately so you best get 2, son!" type of sale... so I end up succumbing to the propaganda and get two.

I also bought it in grape in case I needed it later.

Now I've had both these flavors before but didn't have time to write about them since when you eat/drink things throughout the day, these consumptions have the tendency to wash out the old and bring in the new, and these drinks have the tendency not to linger.

Unless you drink a lot of AMP in which case it makes your pee turn neon green.  (Just sayin'.)

Speaking of glowing urine...

A couple weeks ago, I had tweeted "Is it wrong that I'm thinking of getting a Red Bull?" to which a guy replied with "The fact that it's made of bull balls! (research it! made with TAURINE)." 

So I Google'd, and came up with the wiki page for "Taurine".  Immediately I hit CTRL+F and did a search for "bull".  Under the "history" portion of the page, I saw this:

"Taurine is named after the Latin taurus (a cognate of the Greek ταύρος) which means bull or ox, as it was first isolated from ox bile in 1827 by German scientists Friedrich Tiedemann and Leopold Gmelin.In the strict sense, it is not an amino acid, as it lacks a carboxyl group, but it is often called one, even in scientific literature. It does contain a sulfonate group and may be called an amino sulfonic acid. Small polypeptides have been identified which contain taurine, but to date no aminoacyl tRNA synthetase has been identified as specifically recognizing taurine and capable of incorporating it into a tRNA^."

Nowhere did I find anything related to testicles, balls or anything else dealing with a bull's or ox's junk

Me: Well, would ya look at that? You learn something new everyday! LOL!
Him: yea, it's gross. (to me anyway...I guess somewhere in the world, bull testicles are a delicacy)
Me: Makes me think of when a friend told me there was urea in a body spray I had. Ew! But it smelled nice. Damn you science!!!

It's true!

I'm a body spray person more than a perfume person, and one day when one of my male friends was over, he had to use the restroom.  While in there, he had no reading material so he started perusing through the things on my counter.  Low and behold he found a bottle of body spray and proceeded to read the frak out of it.  Eventually when he erupted from the bathroom, he made the comment that there was pee in my body spray.  When I questioned him, he explained about the urea bit, so I looked it up, and sure enough (according the wiki page), "Urea serves an important role in the metabolism of nitrogen-containing compounds by animals and is the main nitrogen-containing substance in the urine of mammals."

Yeah, so now when I browse body sprays, I have the tendency to read the "ingredients" closely. 
 
When I finally did purchase a small can of sugar-free Red Bull from the vending machine, I tweeted, "Time to consume some bull ball juice. (slurp) Mmmm... tasty!!! #RedBullFTW"



What does it taste like?  (I immediately want to say "bull's balls" after what I just wrote, but seeing as I don't know the flavor sensation of a male cow's privates, I will simply say... well, it tastes good. 

(INSIDE VOICES PEOPLE!!!)

Most energy drinks I've had (and I have tried many) have that nasty "tastes like ass" caffeine after taste.  I know NO ONE that likes this taste, and truly... no one ever comments on it unless they're making that face which already states for them "yeah, that tastes like ass".  I have, not ONCE, heard someone say, "Yummy!  Can I have some more that, please?" 

It's just a flavor fail we all deal with and don't talk about... like that one relative at group gatherings.  (You know the one.  Don't play stupid.)

Anyway, the orange flavor tastes... well... orange.  And since it's not carbonated, it tastes like a flat orange soda... but yummy versus that "what did I just stick in my mouth" flavor.

Don't go there.  I already went there as I was writing it.  We don't all need to go there.  Well... okay... you can go there.  Just use your inside voice, okay?

On the front of the can it boasts "made with real juice" but then you turn the can around, and you see the back says proudly in all caps (a slightly larger font than the supplemental facts section) "CONTAINS 3% JUICE".

So that's 97% of non-juicy chemical goodness you're shoving down your gullet.

Hey, I'm not preaching.  I pour this stuff down my pie-hole, too.

There's also a little bold, all caps note below the ingredients that says "SHAKE GENTLY".  Or else what?  It'll explode?  A little kitten randomly somewhere in the world will die?  Or perhaps a unicorn will mate with a gryphon and start the master race that will one day extinguish humans as we know it?

Don't ask.  I'm not even sure.

There's a tiny American flag below the 'shake gently' warning and below that it says (you guessed it) AMERICAN MADE.  Now for some reason, that makes me giggle.  I don't know why.

The serving size is 8 fl oz/240mL (which of course makes you feel like a pig if you're sensitive about these things since the can I consumed was 16 fl oz).  It's like "What?!?!  I just consumed two servings?  Holy crap?  Someone get me a trough STAT!  I feel quite porsine!"  Calories per serving is 10... which means I swallowed (remember - INSIDE VOICES) 20 calories.

Like I need something else to feel fat about.  LOL!

Oh lookee here.  What's this?  A mission statement of some kind...

ROCKSTAR RECOVERY is designed for those who need a strong energy boost when it counts - plus maximum recovery and hydration, B-vitamins, caffeine, electrolytes, and ROCKSTAR's potent herbal blend are formulated to deliver that extra kick.  Fully refreshing orange flavor made with real juice, RECOVERY is smooth, powerful and easy to drink.

And then in much smaller print...

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.  This product not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any diseases.

Again, my apologies, but the above tiny-print statement makes me laugh - perhaps in part to it being in tiny print but mainly for what it says (in tiny print).  Ha ha ha...!!!

I imagine a doctor saying, "I'm sorry Mister Smith, but you're liver is quite infected with a bacteria that is rapidly eating it away as well as your entire internal structure until you are nothing but a pile of dust and a memory.  But if you drink this ROCKSTAR, you shall live!!!"

Or something equally as "mental patienty" as that.  (Yeah, I'm broken.)

Would I ever try this again? Well, seeing as this is the second or third time I've had it... I would say that's an affirmative!  (Though I like the grape flavor a lot more.)

http://www.rockstarenergyshop.com/new-rockstar-recovery-grape-563.html (for orange, even though the address says "grape")

http://www.rockstarenergyshop.com/new-rockstar-recovery-grape.html (for grape... I don't know either)
http://www.rockstar69.com/

 

ROCKSTAR, INC.

Las Vegas, NV 89109 USA