eos lip balm – honeysuckle honeydew

Well hello there ladies and gentleman, I present to you the first review of mine that does not involve FOOD. Yes indeedy folks, this is a momentous occasion so note this on your calendars and celebrate it annually since it’s really a special treat.

Anyway…

A little while ago, I was sick, and I headed to a 24-hour Walgreen’s to buy some appropriate drugs. (Oh goodness, yes. I am a HUGE medicator. HUGE!!! The slightest inkling of a sickness within me, and I want to kill it quickly before it spreads.)

In the aisle with the cold/flu meds hanging on one of the impulse cross-merchandising hooks were these little yellow/green and pink/red eggs. My eyes found the words “lip balm” right away and being intrigued, I read on.

The front of the package says “eos – the evolution of smooth”. There’s also a USDA organic stamp as well as the phrase “a natural reason to smile”.

The back of the package said things like “95% organic” and “100% natural lip balm” that’s ‘petroleum & paraben’ free… just like you”.

Oh yeah, and it’s not tested on animals.

To be perfectly honest with you all, I don’t know what a “paraben” is, and I keep forgetting to look it up on the internet. I know my sister-in-law knows since when my brother brought up they now buy a different brand of diapers for their daughter which are paraben free, I said, “What’s a paraben?”, and he told me to ask his wife. Needless to say, I’m assuming it’s something bad for you.

The lip balm has vitamin E, “soothing” shea butter, jojoba oil, and is “anti-oxidant rich” to keep lips “moist, soft and sensationally smooth”.

Now let me say straight off the bat, I’m a Carmex girl – strawberry specifically. I was running low on my last tube, but when I saw this I thought “Why not? I have enough left of my Carmex in case I don’t like this.”

So… I bought an egg.

Yeah, it looks like a tiny little egg. That’s usually the comment when my friends see me use it.

Friend: What is that?
me: 100% natural, 95% organic, not tested on animals, paraben-free lip balm.
Friend: Looks like an egg.

There were two flavors – the one I got (honeysuckle honeydew – which comes in a yellow/green egg), and a strawberry something-or-other flavor that comes in a pink/red egg. For some reason I thought strawberry would be too sweet so I went with the other one. (I mean, come on, how many times have you tried something that claimed to be a certain flavor and it tasted like ass or just really bad?)

The egg is cut in half, and there’s a flat bit on one side.

You hold.
You twist.
And voila! – the egg is open to show you a giant ball of lip balm which (in keeping with the egg-metaphor) looks like a hard-boiled yolk.

When I tried it, I was surprised at how nice it felt. And the flavor was just slight so it didn’t taste like wax or something gross whenever I licked my lips. The cool thing about the lip balm was the fact that it was a giant ball. It made me think of a joke I had heard a long time ago, it might have been George Carlin though I’m not sure, about how someone should invent a chapstick wall since whenever anyone applies chapstick, they hold the stick still while they move their head around it. With the ball, you don’t have to do that. I just (pardon the vivid imagery, but) placed the ball between my lips and applied. You can either sweep it back and forth or rotate the ball without moving your head.

Okay people – minds out of the gutter, please?

I will admit that I do not use it all of the time, but it is in my purse along with my Carmex. It’s good to have around if you’re going to kiss someone, even if it is a peck, since the texture and taste aren’t too annoying or overpowering, and it does make your lips soft.

Would I ever try this again?: Maybe. The lip balm was nice, but it didn’t completely rock my world. I did like how my lips felt not being too overly lubed or greasy, but I still like my Carmex more. I do though recommend trying it out at least once. Perhaps it will be more of your cup of tea than it was mine.

eos Products LLC
New York, NY 10010

www.evolutionofsmooth.com

Churritos – Chile & Lime

When I see the word “Churritos”, the first thing that pops into my mind is “tiny churros”. Now hey! – anyone who knows me knows that I’m a churros-whore. I LOVE me some churros. I went to Disneyland once with a couple friends and I swear, I lost count on how many churros I had in one day. It’s not my fault really. They have frozen lemonade and churros stations strategically placed throughout the Magic Kingdom. It’s like putting crack in front of an addict.

But I digress.

When at a nearby AM/PM market, I had only gone in for a bottle of water, but then I saw these interesting chips and thought why not.

Now I must explain my tastebuds for just a second. See, of my family, I was born without the ‘can eat hot food’ gene. And when I say hot food, I mean hot wings, jalapenos, Tabasco… you get the idea. There are some things that are seasoned a certain way that are a little spicy to me but aren’t hot so I eat them but being tasty, sometimes I eat them too fast which causes the complete opposite of a brain freeze in my mouth.

With that being said, there are some flavors that even though I’ve had bad experiences with them before (most ending with the food being way too hot for me so I have to pass it off to someone else or toss it), I am still drawn to. Ha, like churros.

One of these flavors is chile and lime. I always think the lime will save me, but more often than not, it doesn’t. (Oh epic fail.) So while getting my bottle of water, I come across a small bag of Churritos – chile & lime. The picture on the bag makes me think mini-churros, but regardless of the churro-appeal, I hold off since the flavor has not been my friend before. Upon better judgment and past history, I buy the 4oz bag which per the nutritional facts on the back are 160 calories, 90 from fat. A serving size is about 40 pieces which leave about 4 servings per bag. Woo hoo. Here I’m thinking if I eat this whole bag, I’m denying three other people their joy of this snack.

And if I were to do that, then let me tell you… they would be grateful.

Flavor… flavor… where art thou flavor? Yes, you heard me. There was none. First off, when I opened the bag, my image of mini-churros was quickly replaced by the reality of twigs. They reminded me of the crunchy chow mein noodles you see in Chinese cuisine. I pick up a few thinking “So what? At least they’ll be spicy.” Oh contrare my little friend. I tossed the few twiglets into my mouth expecting something spicy, and all I get is crunch. So, I toss a few more back… same thing. I’m not even getting the salt (of which the back of the bag claims there’s 160mg of sodium). I’m not getting a build of heat or anything with the snack. It’s quite disappointing indeed.

In thinking about the Chinese food reference, perhaps they would have gone good in a salad or something as a topper, but I’m not sure anything would have made these any tastier that the crunchy cardboard that they seemed to be. And the freshness date wasn’t until January. Sheesh. Talk about preservatives.

Again, another snack brought to me by the company “Grupo Bimbo” who has failed my tastebuds more than pleased.

Would I ever try this again?: Nope. I’m a big fan of flavor, and since this snack lacked it all around, I wouldn’t bother trying it again.

http://www.taquitos.net/snacks.php?snack_code=1039

ONGO Energy Shot

In the course of consuming energy drinks, you come to read labels when bored and finding that there are tons of calories and carbs and sugar… all this stuff that in moderation is okay for you, but jam-packed into one huge drink? Holy crap.

Now I’m not the poster child for healthy. If you were to see me, that'd be fairly obvious... even to a blind man.

So in needing another shot for a trip, I had several different ones to choose from when at the register. I opted to go with one that I hadn’t tried before called ONGO (which I’m assuming is supposed to be more two words than one even though pronounced the same).

Now on the front of the bottle, it says “no carbs, no sugar, no crash” then right below that it says “stamina, focus, endurance”… and below that “energy for hours”. (The thing about the bottle that made me laugh the most was the tiny words at the bottom right of the front of the bottle that says “try chilled”. Me being me, I picture this tiny 2oz bottle sitting at a fifteen-degree angle in a bucket of ice waiting for me by the fireplace.)

The bottle is eight calories with no calories from fat. Even though there’s no “sugar” in it, there are other sugary sweeteners in it. (Yes, this Jane Consumer reads labels. Yay for the literate!) In reading the bottle some more, it says:

For maximum energy, shake the bottle and then drink the whole thing at once.
For moderate energy, shake and drink half the bottle at once. Re-seal the bottle after use. No refrigeration required. Toss out remainder of product after three days.

The “caution” part interests me:

Caution: Contains about as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. Limit caffeine products to avoid nervousness, sleeplessness, and occasionally rapid heartbeat. You may experience a Niacin Flash (hot feeling, skin redness) that lasts a few minutes. This is caused by Niacin (vitamin B3) increasing blood flow near skin.

Not for use by children under 12 years of age. (Well, all I have to say to that is DUH!)

Phenylketonurics: contains phenylalanine. (Dare you to say that ten times real fast.)

I think the best part of the bottle is this: This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any diseases. When I see stuff like that that doesn’t have a stamp of approval by someone like the FDA… it always leaves me with a bit of a quirked eyebrow and suspicion.

But I drank it anyway. (Daring, I know.)

It was sweet but had that strong caffeine aftertaste that most energy products have. Still, it wasn’t as bad as some of the others I’ve had, but sweet and heavily caffeinated aren’t all that I want in an energy drink… even if it is a supplement. Is that too much to ask for?

Would I ever try this again?: Perhaps. Most energy shots taste like crap or just really, really sweet. I’d prefer something with more flavor than what’s out there.

www.ongoenergy.com

Nos Powershot

I have really weird body chemistry. I remember when I was younger (like perhaps from the age ten and younger) that medicine that warned it would make me drowsy, made me drowsy. As I got older, medicine and my inner-workings decided to not come to an understanding. Medication that warned “may cause drowsiness” ended up not doing anything… while other things that were supposed to keep me awake never did either. In order to get either effect, if success were to be achieved at all, I would have to take a much stronger dosage than the suggested amount.

Now I feel the need to explain something as an example: I was in a car accident many moons ago where my little car became an accordion with me and my friend inside. Post-accident, I was prescribed Vicodin, Soma and 800mg Motrin. The ER doctors, nurses, and pharmacists said that I could take them all together, but I’d be unconscious soon after. Taking all that into consideration, let me tell you that I drove on the meds. People were shocked, but the meds didn’t make me sleepy at all. I realized that my back and muscles felt better and that they didn’t feel as tight and twisted as they had before, but drowsy? Nope.

With that said, I’ve tried my hand at energy drinks (not all the time, just every once in a while) to wake me up in the mornings or when I’m driving to see my family three hours away. Coffee just doesn’t do it for me, and I hate it when people suggest it to me as a quick picker upper. It tastes good, but it doesn’t perk me up like it does with most of America. I thought energy drinks were like MANY cups of coffee in one shot so I had high hopes that it might do something. Alas, driving three hours, even with a huge can of energy downed and running its course through me, it did nothing, and I would still have to pull over and take a little nap.

Through many trials, I have tried TONS of energy drinks claiming to be awesome and provide much energy with no crash or whatever other bullshit they advertise. Now, I say “bullshit” because it didn’t work for me, but then again, I’m weird.

Finally I have found something that seems to work for me. I seem to stay awake with one full can of some energy drink combined with a tiny shot of energy. This combination leaves me alert, revived and not vibrating at all. Over the course of my travels, I haven’t been able to get the same two-drink combo every time so I am always forced to mix and match. So now it’s all about what tastes good.

In case you weren’t aware, let me tell you something. Energy drinks - they taste like ass if they’re not cold, and when I mean cold, I mean COLD! And sometimes even cold ones aren’t that great… to keep with the metaphor, they just taste like cold ass.

So while pit-stopping one day on my way to see my mother, I bought myself a tall can of energy and a small shot of one. The small shot of choice? – Nos Powershot (maximum boost formula). The small bottle also says “CAUTION: POWERFUL”, which of course I have to laugh since it’s not necessarily powerful enough for me.

Nos energy drinks are all right if there’s nothing else around. They don’t taste like any kind of ass, but they don’t leave with that “oh let’s make a smoothie out of that one” feelings. The Powershot is 2fl oz and 30 calories. What I find interesting per the back of the bottle is that it has barely anything, a little bit of sugar and carbs, but then I see it has 20mg of sodium. Everything else listed (save the energy crap which I expected there to be a fuck-ton of) was under 10mg. To see so much sodium just… surprised me.

Upon further reading of the little bottle, it says “not recommended for children, pregnant women or people sensitive to caffeine”. I laugh at that as well seeing as I apparently am NOT sensitive to caffeine.

By itself, this tiny shot of energy does nothing for me, but teamed up with a tall can of ‘wake the fuck up’, it does it job as the trusty sidekick and helps out where it’s needed.

Would I ever try this again?: As far as ‘shots’ go, it’s not high on my ‘okay, I’ll drink that’ list, but if it’s the only one available, then I’ll go ahead and snag it. The flavor’s not too bad, but doesn’t make it too memorable, either.

www.drinknos.com
http://www.drinknos.com/products.do

Holy Chocolate - Amaretto

So in the one time I went to the little Russian market across the street from my old apartment, I bought many things… one of which was a small package of Holy Chocolate. Of course my curiosity is going to tell me to step closer, pick it up, investigate.

This package was located near the register – an impulse item. It stood out since the package itself is gold, the label pink (but not a bright, neon pink that would make you run for cover). The name Holy Chocolate caught my attention right away (chocolate-ness is next to Godliness?... or something like that.) Above the name it said “gourmet hot chocolate mix”. Below the name it said “every sip blessed”. Liking this chocolate more and more, I flipped it over to read more.

Right at the top, it says: “A True Drinking Chocolate. Unlike any other mix. The finest cocoas, rich natural milk, and sophisticated flavor await. Add water and it’s Heaven on Earth.” Well, with a plug like that, who wouldn’t want some? I flipped through the packages (for there were many flavors) and chose amaretto.

A brief overview of the ingredients per the back of the package: sugar, powdered whole milk from pasture cows (rBST and antibiotic free), Dutched cocoa (alkalized), artificial and natural flavor.

Hmmm, makes me wonder what the artificial flavor is?

And yes, there’s an allergen warning: Contains dairy. Made in a facility that processes dairy, peanuts and other tree nuts, soy and wheat.

Serving size is one package which is 193 calories, 64 from fat. In small print below all the nutritional information it says that everything is based off the 2,000 calorie diet. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never really been good about keeping to that number. Perhaps that’s why I’m so luscious and thick. (I just realized that I described myself like a shake.)

Now I have to say in all honesty of all the things I purchased there, I had completely forgotten about this lovely little package of goodness. It was small comparatively to everything else I got, and got overshadowed by bigger boxes of cookies and teas. So when I did find the package again, I was in the mood for a treat of chocolate and voila! – there it was.

How I love this chocolate, let me count the ways. Yes, it’s a chocolate that says “just add hot water” and other chocolates that I have had taste strongly like chocolate but aren’t as yummy and delicious as Holy Chocolate. It tasted thicker and richer and yummier than other brands I’ve had. It was just more pleasing and comforting and soothing and made for an all over wonderful chocolate experience.

Would I ever try this again?: Hells yeah! I love this stuff. It’s great. Granted, it’s a lot of calories to take in so I wouldn’t be binging on multiple packets of joy, but each cup is so satisfying, one cup will last you a while.

And the best part about the whole thing is that the company that makes the stuff is local to where I live. Huzzah to me!!!

www.holychocolate.com

http://www.holychocolate.com/variety_amaretto.php